1. Never rewrite a first draft. You’re a genius. Rewrites are for amateurs.
2. 2. Don’t worry about grammar and spelling. That’s what editors are for.
3. 3. Don’t bother mastering plot and character arc. Who cares about those pesky little things as long as your heroes blow up a lot of stuff and the main characters fall in love?
4. 4. Write only what’s trendy and hot.
5. 5. Post all your emotional baggage and lose your temper on Facebook. You’re most certain to get read that way. And you’ll be remembered.
6. 6. Be a diva. Act eccentric and neurotic—especially when pitching a story to an agent.
7. 7. Slam other writers and agents in your blog. And if you get a bad review, lay into the reviewer on their blog in the comments section.
8. 8. Ignore your editor. If they were really smart they’d be writers. (Those who can, write; those who can’t, edit. We all know that.)
9. Use lots and lots of adverbs continuously, incessantly, and passionately.
10. Write only when you’re in the mood and the “muse” inspires you.
Do these ten things and you’re sure to destroy your writing career.
I guarantee it.
Cute! I'll add another one. Misread PM for AM when booking a flight to the Blue Ridge Christian Writers' Conference so you won't arrive until after the sign-up time with editors (and then discover that all the earlier flights are booked up so you can't change it).
ReplyDeleteINCIDENTALLY, I ESPECIALLY, REALLY like #9 -- I ACTUALLY never REALLY have problems with adverbs, just OCCASIONALLY. . . :-)
ReplyDeletePS -- One year, some of my "darling" college students SURREPTITIOUSLY counted the number of times I said "incidentally" in the classroom. They still kid me about it on FB! :-)
I'm laughing, Karla! Great reminders. I especially love number 8. Don't we all sometimes have that slight thought when we're frustrated with a response from an editor??!!
ReplyDeleteOh, @Kathryn, that's awful! I'm glad you can laugh about it now, but I can't imagine going through that. @Millie -- you're hilarious, she said laughingly. I LOVE adverbs. @Cheryl, I remember the first time I worked with an editor and I admit that thought did cross my mind. Now I know that editors are way smarter than writers in many ways. Write on, ladies!
ReplyDeleteAnd from what we learned this week from the self-published author on Amazon, never EVER engage in online verbal warfare with a reviewer. Blessings!
ReplyDeleteOh boy, and you aren't kidding!
ReplyDelete