A Kiss, an Arrow, and a Past Too Perfect

by Jean Kavich Bloom

The phrase “past perfect tense” can make your head spin unless you’re a grammar nerd. (I confess, sometimes I have to look up grammar rules if anyone asks. But it’s all in my brain somewhere because of a strict tenth grade English teacher we called Bertha behind her back. I’m talking about diagramming sentences here. If you'd like to know more, see what I wrote about her on my blog, with thanks!)

Past perfect tense comes in handy in a "telling" flashback, a character's thoughts or dialogue about a past event, or when you want to ensure your reader knows an action took place before another action (“He had taken his meds before bedtime”). But knowing when to halt using past perfect tense can get, well, tense, and overusing it is an issue I sometimes see when editing, or even reading, novels. 

A sentence telling what happened in the past starts out without a problem: “I had loved him” or “The arrow had nearly found its target,” but then continues with “I had loved him from the first time we had kissed” or “The arrow had nearly found its target but had bounced off a wall.”

Not only is that a mouthful, but that second "had" makes for awkward, right? Trust me, these read better: “I had loved him from the first time we kissed” and “The arrow had nearly found its target but bounced off a wall.” Finishing with simple past tense makes for an easier read, and not only in the same sentence, but as the passage continues.

Not “I had loved him from the first time we kissed. He had been everything I had wanted in a man,” but “I had loved him from the first time we kissed. He was everything I wanted in a man.”

Not “The arrow had nearly found its target but had bounced off a wall. Instead, it had wounded a bystander,” but “The arrow had nearly found its target but bounced off a wall. Instead, it wounded a bystander.”

These examples might seem extreme, but not only have I seen writing like this (unfortunately in published works), but I know how easy it is for a writer “in the zone” to get wordy and glide over best tense construction. We all do it! So when editing your own work, looking for too much perfect in your past tense is a good idea, kisses and arrows aside. Your editors and readers will thank you for your diligence!

Jean Kavich Bloom is a freelance editor and writer (Bloom in Words Editorial Services). Her personal blog is Bloom in Words too, where she sometimes posts articles about the writing life. She is also one of many contributors to a new blog for women, The Glorious Table. Her published books are Bible Promises for God's Precious Princess and Bible Promises for God's Treasured Boy. She and her husband, Cal, have three children and five grandchildren.  

photo credits:
http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=151673&picture=young-couple-honeymoon; 
http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=130421&picture=archers-arrow