Facing our Fears by JoAnn Durgin

Do you remember the first time you felt afraid? I mean really afraid? I do. Even though I was barely over a year old, I can recall my entire house shaking—photos on the wall rattling and my crib moving across the floor—and the sheer panic I experienced. When I heard the ear-piercing, loud whistle from the nearby railroad tracks, I just knew a big old scary monster was coming to get me. But instead of cowering in my crib and screaming to get out, I took action. What did I do? Well, I somehow managed to propel myself over the high bars of my crib onto the hardwood floor and then ran into my parents’ room with my favorite blankie clutched in my hand. My dad once told me this went on for months. At first he worried I’d seriously damage my noggin (that’s still up for debate), but he hated to “cage me in.” He told me I never cried but just climbed in and curled up beside him. You see, it was there I found my safe place, my comfort and protection.

As I’ve gotten older, like many people, I’ve become more afraid of heights. Not that I was ever fond of them. When I visit a very tall building and step out on the observation deck, I usually hesitate to go to the outside railing or wall. The thought of that glass walkway above the Grand Canyon scares the daylights of me. Although fascinated by the beautiful view from atop something so high up in the air (and the Grand Canyon is one of the most amazing natural formations I’ve ever seen), it makes me realize how small I am when I look down from such a dizzying height. Question to ponder: is my true fear one of heights or the actual fear of falling?

Flying in an airplane and is one of my favorite things in life—that feeling of power and speed as the magnificent, manmade bird lifts off the ground and soars into the air. In the case of an airplane, I have something surrounding me in a cocoon of steel protection. On the flip side, roller coasters absolutely scare me to death. I’ve always avoided them until I decided to try Space Mountain at Disney World many years ago. To this day, I have no idea what possessed me. Disney represents safety and security, right? Mickey and Minnie wouldn’t steer me wrong. I actually loved it (but still won’t ever go on another roller coaster), but I think it’s because Space Mountain is completely dark. You experience the speed and the ups and downs yet you can’t see what lies beyond the rails. Again, a question to ponder: is it (again) the fear of falling or perhaps the fear of what’s out there beyond my comfort zone?

Writing my latest novel, Catching Serenity, took me through a gamut of emotions—a veritable roller coaster of ups, downs and all-arounds. As an author, don’t you love it when writing characters and their stories stretch you, test and challenge you? As much as any character I’ve ever written, Serenity McClaren has faced a number of issues in her life, including profound loss and rejection. So many times in penning her story, I paused and wondered how I would react given identical circumstances. Honestly? A few times, I couldn’t presume to know how I’d personally react. But it made me think, and as much as anything else, I want my readers to think while still being entertained and gleaning spiritual truths when they read one of my books.

As much as the issues we face, it’s our response to events and people that matters and shapes our life. Serenity has been through so much yet she’s much stronger than she realizes. She’s been deeply hurt by circumstances in her life that might cause many people to turn away from God. Before these things happened, she didn’t know the Lord. What’s interesting is that she finds Him in the midst of working through her pain. Like me curling up beside my dad, Serenity finds her security and comfort in a new relationship with Jesus. She ran away from home because she couldn’t stand the sadness, the loneliness and the pain. But as the story opens, she’s come back home to stare her fears in the face. Bolstered by her new faith, she recognizes the only way she’ll be able to truly live again with purpose and meaning is to conquer those fears.

 

Have you ever had a secret you were dying to tell someone but couldn’t for whatever reason? Psychologist Jackson Ross is falling in love with Serenity. He also recognizes that until she finds answers to what happened that sent her running away from home, she won’t be free to fully love him. Then he unlocks the key to her past and discovers the shocking truth. Within Jackson’s grasp is the ability to set her free from her past. However, sworn and bound by ethics and professional standards, he can’t tell her and it’s tearing him up inside. Jackson’s greatest fear? He’ll lose Serenity’s friendship and love no matter what he does. A believer in Christ for a number of years, Jackson turns to the One he knows can shoulder his burden and give him the desires of his heart.

Ultimately, I believe it’s all about trust. The theme verse in Catching Serenity is Psalm 18:2 which says: The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Have you ever had a time in your life when you’ve had to stare down fears or forces you felt were working against you? How did you react and what was the outcome? I’d encourage you to ponder that today with the knowledge there’s no greater comfort or protection than that which comes from the One who laid down His very life for you and for me.

Blessings, friends (and thanks for allowing me a little shameless plug for my next book).

JoAnn Durgin

Matthew 5:16

 

Writing Through Emotional Pain

Photo: Wikimedia Commons

Life happens. And sometimes it happens painfully. Professional writers must write even when their hearts are broken, and life is delivering its most powerful punches. 

I’ve lost two dear friends within a few months of one another and have another devastating situation in my family right now. Crying myself to sleep, navigating my days in a vice-like fog and swallowing a constant lump in my throat—these physical reactions to emotional pain challenge my ability, nay, my desire to write. But write I must, because, you see, I’m a writer. And that’s what we do. And the publishing world doesn’t care that I have issues. The publishing world will go right along publishing without me. 

The only way we can write through hard days is to keep our focus. And frankly, the only way we can survive through hard days is to keep our focus. The focus isn’t on the writing. The focus for the Christian writer is on Him.

Psalm 22:5 says, They cried to you and were saved; in you they trusted and were not disappointed (NIV). 

In Kay Arthur’s book, As Silver Refined: Answers to Life's Disappointments, she writes about how life’s disappointments are really His Appointments. By changing just one letter in the word, we have a whole new perspective because the focus is on Him. 

We can trust Him, even when things don’t make sense.

We can trust Him to give us the words to write even when we’re so broken we can barely move our pen over the page, or our fingers across the keyboard.

We can cry unto God, and not be disappointed.

We will be appointed.

We will write.

"Write, therefore, what you have seen, what is now and what will take place later"

(Revelation 1:19, NIV).

 Karla Akins is a pastor's wife, mother of five, grandma to five beautiful little girls and author of O Canada! Her Story. She lives in North Manchester with her husband, twin teenage boys with autism, and three silly dogs. Her favorite color is purple, favorite hobby is book-hoarding, and favorite food group is cupcakes.

Hope or Fear: It Really Is Your Choice

© istockphoto.com/fmatte

One unexpected thing I have learned from freelancing full-time is that being fearful is a choice. You can all too easily let fear eat away at your time and your talent – leaving you frozen in place when things don't go exactly as planned. Or, you can keep plugging along, trusting that God is truly guiding your way. In no other job have I ever actually been able to really see God intervening on my behalf. [I'm sure it happened, but I wasn't able to see it as clearly.]

During times when the work has run dry, and therefore the funds have too, God has repeatedly found a way to sneak a little extra cash into our family accounts. One time it was in the form of an extra tax refund check when my accountant somehow forgot to ask if I'd been paying taxes on my own on a quarterly basis? (I'm still amazed that happened since my accountant is the one who had set it up for me to pay quarterly taxes the year before?) More than once it has been in the form of an insurance-related refund ... and most recently a partial refund for paying for all-day Kindergarten. None of the refunds were expected, and they always came when we were starting to worry over how we were going to scrape together enough money to pay the bills.

I don't mean this to sound like I feel like I could sit back, relax, and the Lord would just do my bidding; nor that I should go on a spending spree because 'magic cash' will just appear. Far from it. However, what it does mean to me ... is that as long as I keep doing my part, God is making sure my family's most basic needs are met. [It reminds me continuously of the bible verses regarding the sparrows ... Luk 12:7]

This gives me so much to be hopeful about.

Beyond money, God has also helped me make invaluable connections with people that have helped me grow as a Christian and as a business. Have you ever felt the prompting from God to write an e-mail or call someone you barely have a connection with ... only to find out that they were praying to hear from someone exactly like you? Yup, that happened to me.

It was a pretty amazing experience, yet the most powerful personal example for choosing hope over fear that I have is even more remarkable. During my first year as a freelancer I had a freelance client who stiffed me for over $700 worth of time already spent working on his company's web site copy. I had done everything I was asked to do, the cost had been quoted and agreed upon prior to the first draft, and I had every intent of revising the text until they were satisfied. But instead the client was quite rude, reacting as though my writing was in no way what they had asked for, and they not only refused to pay but refused to explain how it could be improved  - which meant I could not even try to improve it to make them happy. I was devastated. I was angry. And when further negotiations failed I began to question my writing abilities, and my business skills, more than I ever had before.

I had always had very positive client writing experiences in the past - even when changes were necessary. I had also never had someone treat me in so unprofessional a manner. It ate away at me in the weeks following, and I remember at my lowest point crying and praying for God to somehow let me know if I was meant to keep writing. I questioned if it was my will or His to be a writer. [Am I the only one who has prayed this prayer?]

I still get goosebumps thinking about this ... but all I did was walk maybe 20 steps to my office from where I had wept and prayed that prayer ... to do something as mundane as check my e-mail. I had already been on the computer most of that day and checked my e-mail many, many times. However, when I returned to my computer, moments after praying that prayer, in my e-mail inbox was a request to buy an article that I had written and submitted over 6 months prior to that day. Of note is that this was my first article I ever sold that wasn't written 'for hire'.  So this was a very big deal to me. It felt like winning the lottery - though I probably earned a grand total of $150 and it was only published on a blog.

The timing of that sale sounds like something 'made up' even to me. But I still have that remarkably timed e-mail, and I look at it whenever I need a pick-me-up. [I actually sold a second unrelated article only a couple of weeks later – one which was also submitted around the same time frame as the first one. Which reminds me ... I really need to submit queries more often!]

What about you? Have you had moments of fear about your calling to be a writer? Has God ever answered your prayers in a way that gave you every reason to hope and continue writing?

Suzanne Wesley works as a full-time freelance graphic artist and copywriter from her Indiana home. She is also a full-time mom of two girls under the age of 6. (Sometimes the two full-time jobs collide, but mostly it is the best job decision she ever made!) Between filling sippy cups, reading princess stories ... oh, and designing marketing materials, she sneaks in time to work on her secret passion for fiction writing.

She also reads and reviews Christian books and their cover designs on The Book and Cover Reviewer blog - found at www.suzannewesley.com

Restoring What the Locust Has Eaten

Lifeway Christian Corporate Sales Meeting - 2007
“You’re on!” Mary-Beth, my author relations person, shout-whispered, running toward me as I walked out of the ladies room and down the hall of the Life Way building. I wasn’t supposed to speak until 9:30 AM but apparently they were running early. What luck! I didn’t even have time to get really nervous as they introduced me. Instead, I had to burst through the door, scoop up my notes and head toward the stage, hoping I wouldn’t trip in my high-heeled, platform sandals. As I headed toward the microphone and the podium, my knees began to shake and my palms started to sweat. I prayed one of my more eloquent prayers, “Okay Lord, this is it.”

Time to give my speech.

I stared out at the sales and marketing people, eighty or so upraised faces, and tried to smile, opening with a crack about the high probability of me blacking out. My voice shook while I promised to “come to” if they would wave some Starbucks under my nose. That got a laugh, and so, a little encouraged, I plunged into my Olympic relay-race analogy. Which, I hasten to mention, the Lord had just given me the night before. I’d worked hard on my speech, had it mostly memorized according to instructions . . . but the night before, in a lovely hotel room that the publisher put me up in, I lay wide awake most of the night while God…rewrote….my….speech. Ahhh! Why does He always wait until the last minute? But I was sure. I knew what He wanted me to say, and while it was pretty raw, “very transparent” as my editor later said with a kind smile, I was certain it was His message for this group.

After explaining to the crowd how much I viewed this process as a team effort – first me writing it, then the editors and art department polishing it up and then the sales team taking it on the road – and how incredibly blessed I felt to just be standing up there (I finally have co-workers!!) I plunged into how I began writing in the first place. It’s the question I’m always asked, “How did you start writing?” or “What made you want to become a writer?” or “Have you always written?”

In trying to honestly answer that question, God reminded me how it all began. On one hand, I have always loved lyric writing. As a girl, I used to swing on my swing (one of those 10 pound weights at the end of a rope tied to a big, old walnut tree in our yard) and make up song after song for God. I didn’t care who was around or if anyone heard me, I just worshipped him, loud and long. I also wrote some poetry and had a “diary” as we called it then, which my brother would find and break into (those locks never worked!) waving and taunting me until I chased him down and wrestled it back. But on the other side, the darker side, stories became a sort of salvation to me throughout my life. In the second grade I began having night terrors. One, in particular, was so bad I wouldn’t leave my mother’s side for three months (literally). I lost weight, I couldn’t sleep, I was as white as a sheet – the fear dogged me until I felt like I was living from panic attack to panic attack. I looked like I was being haunted in my early grade-school pictures, and I felt like I was being destroyed. My parents prayed for me, encouraged me and tried everything to help me overcome my fears, but nothing worked.

I have a son who was diagnosed with ADD and Dyslexia. For years he struggled to read, doing phonics programs over and over and then taking a special “Discovery” class in 4th through 6th grade. It helped and he’s a much better reader now, but something happened during those early years that has become a special strength for Seth. Because he couldn’t read the world around him, he saw everything differently. Seth can easily remember faces, pictures and symbols. He remembers little details, saying things to me like, “Mom, did you see that man with a red hoodie? He had on a couple of rings on his left hand, curly black hair and a big, jagged scar on his arm?” I look around clueless. “What man?” Now, when Seth looks at signs he doesn’t just read them, he notices things like – letter shape, color, lighting, a missing bulb, etc. While I just read it, Seth really sees it and I know that someday God is going to use this gift in Seth’s future work. That’s kind of what happened to me. To help myself sleep at night, I started to focus my mind on building stories and characters, not allowing the fearful thoughts a chance to come in. This took intense concentration. But after awhile, I got better and better at it until eventually, I could fall asleep within minutes of lying down. Years later, I now see that what the enemy had planned for my destruction, God used for good. When I first sat down to write a novel, the scenes played out in front of my eyes with the ease of long practice. Praise God, He really does make beauty from the ashes of our lives.



Last Saturday I had the privilege of being in the Vincennes (my hometown) Christmas Stroll and Parade. I had the even greater privilege of seeing a dear friend/mentor that I haven't seen in over twenty years - Joyce Crockett. Joyce was my neighbor girlfriends' mom. She was, and still is, I'm sure, an awesome mother and wife and now grandmother. And Joyce is the person who first introduced me to historical romance novels. By the grocery sack full!! I can't imagine that I would be writing in this genre without her influence and it is, to me, another amazing example of God's will being done in my life. How he was giving me the tools I needed as a teen to help fight all the anxiety in my life and how He turned those hard times into something He could use for His kingdom and His glory.

How great is our God? How worthy to be praised! It was a full-circle moment and this Thanksgiving I am so thankful to have had that gift.


What about you? Who inspired you to write? How can you thank them this Thanksgiving?