Crash

by Rachael Phillips

The first time I finished a major writing project, I expected my world to light up the minute I sent it off to the publisher. That glorious, long-awaited day, I would rise from my computer for the first time in weeks to replenish the empty fridge and launder 257 pairs of socks. Fresh from the triumph of completing a manuscript, I would even dare enter and clean my bathrooms. I would return to the world of human contact, and my temporary writer's psycho psyche would morph into normalcy.

Why I assumed that, I don't know, as I've never been normal. I did not anticipate the Post-project Crash that accompanied not only my initial publication, but every one since. I include below a few scenarios in hopes other authors will apply 24-hour sleep cures and appropriate megadoses of dark chocolate before serious problems arise. Because no matter how many times we edit our manuscripts, no matter how many former friends we rope into reviewing them, strange things happen upon submission. Once we press that send button, thoughts of possible errors wiggle and niggle into our consciousness like virulent tadpoles, including:

Formatting Errors. Did I space four lines between the title and first paragraph or five? And those scene dividers--what if the judge/agent/editor is allergic to asterisks? Authors debate whether they should re-check the manuscripts they sent to attain peace of mind, or whether they should remain ignorant forever. [Gasp!] What if I left an extra space at the end of the third to the last paragraph?

These may be painful, but can't compare with Comma Panic, a syndrome in which wild-eyed sufferers cling to their Chicago Manuals of Style like cats to a bedspread until they--the writers, not the cats--have documented the reason for each and every comma in their manuscripts. The discovery of even one comma misuse precipitates fresh panic that can only be soothed by starting the review process all over again, reciting comma rules aloud as penance.

Research Terrors also have been known to strike novelists without warning. Historical fiction writers are particularly susceptible, often scaring their spouses into spasms at 2:00 a.m. with screams of literary terror.

Spouse: What?! What is the matter with you?
Writer: [weeping, hiding face in hands] Lord, forgive me. I said Zelda "curled her bangs."
Spouse: Who's Zelda?
Writer: [ignoring spouse] Curled her bangs. No one called them bangs back in 1722. What will I do? What will the publisher do?
Spouse: [pressing six pillows over head] Call the hair police?
Writer: [gnawing knuckles] For something this bad, they might take me straight to the historic hairstyle firing squad. [pauses to mop tears] Ooooh, nooo. Did I call Percy's trousers pants?

Yes, my personal experience has taught me only prayer, time and cleaning bathrooms have effected a cure for these maladies. How about you? Any advice for the author who has just hit the send button?

It's True--Writers Are "Catty"

Maddox the Assassin Cat

You can’t dictate when or where your “muse” will hit. In the dim, early hours one morning as I stumbled in a NyQuil-induced haze back to my bed after tending to a sick 8 year old, I passed our kitten. In the glow from the hallway nightlight, he rolled and dodged batting one of the kids’ “lucky” rabbit’s foot key chains. As I rounded the corner, bracing myself just a little in case his sadistic sights turned toward my bare ankles, the idea for this blog entry plinked into my brain.


I wonder when that cat sleeps. I mean, he’s always doing something—day or night. Kind of like a writer, hee hee.

So, instead of counting sheep, I snuggled under the warm covers and went through the other reasons my cat reminds me of a writer. I believe I got through the first three before sleep settled once again around me. Since then I’ve added a few more. See if you can relate.

1. My cat never sleeps. Well, technically, he does sleep, but never fully, deeply, it seems. Even in those moments I catch him taking a catnap, his ears twitch with curiosity and attention. If something really interesting happens, I see his open just a slit as he gauges whether it is worth his time to investigate. Even tonight as I type this after everyone else has gone to bed, the cat is sitting in the bathroom sink looking at himself in the mirror. No rest for the weary, they say.

2. My cat looks for unusual ways to kill and maim people. We lovingly refer to our 8-month ball of blond fluff, Maddox, as The Assassin Cat for his stealthy attacks upon unsuspecting family members. Just like in some of the best heart-stopping stories, you never turn your back on him or really relax while in the shower. Mystery and suspense writers are always planning or plotting ingenious ways to do away with characters.

3. My cat is a master at creating tension. No sagging middles with this feline teenager around. Whether it is his weekly dodge out the front door just as the school bus squeals to a stop or when he races in and out of the covers as I make the bed in the morning, he keeps things interesting. And just when you relax and settle in thinking the tension is behind you, he ups the ante—like when he recently knocked the plant off the stairway (and on to my cream-colored carpet) at 3:28 in the morning.

4. My cat finds wonder in everyday things. Give him the ring off the milk jug lid and he happily plays all morning long. Leave a laundry basket in a strategic place and he hops in and out, amusing himself. A balled up sock becomes a mouse; a shoelace turns into a snake; a binder clip doubles as a slippery fish. He is not hampered by what is, he simply sees what could be in every situation. Just like writers I know whose eyes light up at the mention of sheep farmers, bomb-making, or Italian immigrants, and their imaginations runs wild.

5. My cat possesses an insatiable curiosity. He runs toward anything that scurries across the floor or past the window. He sticks his nose into every opened closet, cabinet, or drawer. We even had to dig him out from inside the wall when he found where my husband was running wire. Kind of like writers I know who read the dictionary and the encyclopedia for fun, who pick the brains of people in any profession, and who actually care enough to research the name of that doohickey on the shooter’s rifle in Chapter 4.

6. My cat spends a large chuck of his day stalking things. He stalks the dog’s tail, the slipper dangling from my foot, and the birds outside the window. All the writers I know are also stalkers. While “stalking” may be a little heavy to use, it’s still kind of what they do. They “stalk” editors and agents and published writers through websites, Facebook, and Twitter. They “stalk” that next idea. They “stalk” people farther down the publishing road at conferences and book signings. And they “stalk” that elusive book contract or major feature article.

A few times a week Maddox plays the piano by walking across the keys. He’s pretty good, too. And while I haven’t seen him type anything legible yet, I’m not putting that past him either. He is fairly amazing. Okay, your turn: What are your favorite quirks in the cats, or the writers, in your life?

Nikki Studebaker Barcus

The Print Screen Command for Writers

A trick that has been valuable to me as a writer has been the PRINT SCREEN command. Many users aren’t aware this key is on their computer, but usually it is located at the top right of the keypad and has the letters PrtSc on the button. This button does only one job; it takes a picture of your computer screen. It functions like the COPY command, except it copies only the computer screen.

Of course, you have to use the PASTE command to see the new photo. Most often I use this command when I am researching the Internet and the Web site will not allow me to use the normal COPY and PASTE command.

At the Web site, I first press the PRINT SCREEN which takes a photograph of everything on my computer screen. Next I open a blank page in Microsoft Word, then I hold down CONTROL and press V to paste the photo--or I navigate to the EDIT menu and choose PASTE.

The new image should now appear as a photo on your Word document, which will allow you to resize. I have also discovered this tool is valuable when viewing a movie and I need a snapshot of a character, etc.

Once, I even used PRINT SCREEN to copy error messages that kept popping up on my computer screen (the phone tech didn't want to believe me). I then e-mailed the photo to the support site I was working with.

Need the names of cast of a movie as they fly by on the screen? Take a snapshot with PRINT SCREEN and paste it in Word.

Other uses for PRINT SCREEN;
When I’m in Windows Explorer (some of us call it "My Computer") and I need a copy of the names of my files, PRINT SCREEN is quick and easy.

PRINT SCREEN also works great to make a quick copy of the tracks on a music CD or playlist to insert in your CD album cover. No typing involved.

Sometimes I have a large file of photos I need to edit and PRINT SCREEN is an easy way to print a checklist so I can cross off the ones I’ve edited.

You get the idea.

Wrestling Alligators (Or, What to Do with Genesis Feedback)

Writing is the hardest way of earning a living, with the possible exception of wrestling alligators.

- Olin Miller

(I'm no relation to Olin.)

Crystal, out wrestling alligators, my easy job

I am an introvert. In fact on the scale of introversion to extroversion, I am negative 5 to the introversion side. (Well, almost. I scored no extroversion points at all.) Lately I've been interacting a lot with people, whom I love, and I do LOVE to be with them, but then I have to recharge. Today I'm exhausted. Forgive me if I'm mumbling.

On top of that, I seem to be in the public eyeball in the last few days, which makes me nervous.I feel totally unworthy and like a nutcase whenever this happens and get gibberishly insecure with thoughts like, "People will really hate me now," to what I think others' are saying behind my back, "What makes her so special? I know her, and she's a drip!" But I'm finally getting enough years on me that my tune is finally changing to,"I've lived long enough to say what I want and suffer the consequences." (I shudder to think of how I will be if I reach the age of my mother-in-law, age 93.)

But I still tend to want to withdraw after being highlighted somewhere, whether a positive or negative experience. Whatever your personality, it does take guts and boldness to put yourself out there. I reveal my weaknesses to make a point. Writers have to do this to be read, but that doesn't mean that sometimes they wonder why they don't do something else--like wrestling alligators or underwater ice fishing. Anything but getting feedback for writing, exposing that writing. (And if you have a reader, you have feedback.)

On Saturday in addition to being with great people who write, and listening to a stellar presentation about navigating in tandem with your writing career the social and internet media by Amanda Luedeke, literary agent with MacGregor Literary Group, we got news that several in our chapter are semi-finalists in the ACFW Genesis contest. Of the Hoosier Genesis Semi-Finalists 3 were at our state meeting, so we were able to congratulate them, and take their photo.

2011 Indiana Chapter Genesis Semi-Finalists: Carole Brown, Melanie Brasher (Joy N. Malik,) Sarah Ladd

ACFW Genesis Semi-Finalists from the Indiana Chapter
CONTEMPORARY FICTION:
(total entries: 48)

Melanie Brasher/ Joy N. Malik (Pen Name)

HISTORICAL ROMANCE:
(total entries: 73)

Sarah Ladd

WOMEN'S FICTION:
(total entries: 90)

Carole Brown (Ohio Associate member)
Michelle Weidenbenner

MYSTERY/SUSPENSE/THRILLER:
(total entries: 47)
Bob Lyzenga

We're proud of them. No question. However, of these few who made it to the final round, there are some of you awaiting your scores and comment sheets because you didn't final. You're trying to brace yourself, your expectations had been high, but you're sure you can't prepare yourself for what is coming. It's like standing on the beach, waiting for the tsunami. (Or so you think.) Some are going to have scores that just missed, and now you will be able to take those comments and polish off your manuscript. I've seen those who didn't final taking their manuscript to sold a short time later. But others of you will feel as if someone hit you with a Mack truck.

It will hurt. You might feel anger, wanting to argue with the judges. They didn't get it! Stupid judge.

And you harbor a grudge against this person who must hate writers and doesn't recognize genius. Some mealy-mouthed nit-has been, who is bitter and possibly a derelict dared to criticize your prose. (I've heard the ugly names....) I know judges who quit judging because they couldn't take the whining after the scores came back. And while some of it might be valid, it's still whining.

Here are a few things for you as your scores come back to keep you on track and to turn a seeming setback in your writing into a triumph and positive thing. See if any of this helps.

1. Rage against the judge, the contest, your 10th grade English teacher.
Yeah, go ahead. Boo-hoo!Scream into your pillow.

Just don't do it ON ANY PUBLIC social media, blog or loop. Don't Twitter it, don't Facebook it, don't write it on comments on boards or blogs. You can cry, take a minute to hurt, eat some chocolate and tell your best friend, your family, or if it gets serious, your therapist or pastor. But please, please refrain from calling these judges names, (I've heard some bad names on a nonChristian writers' loop,) question their humanity and worse, their judgment. Do they make mistakes? Well, duh, yeah. They are humans. (We suspect.) And they are your fellow Christians. Most of them agonized, prayed over you, and spent way too much time for no pay or any praise to give you feedback on your writing. They cared enough to sacrifice their own writing time, time with family and friends, sleep. They were your readers. They reacted and prayed about it.

2. After your day of chocolate overload, and you sleep off the DeBrand's buzz, look to see if there are any patterns or things you could fix quickly.
Go ahead and deal with the easy stuff first. Oh, brother, you left out a word, you misspelled flagrant, you used seventy -ly words or you used their instead of there twenty-seven times in the first paragraph (that covered two pages). Believe me, even the published authors have their pet trip-ups. Maybe you had a rough opening paragraph. Maybe you even knew something was wrong, but you couldn't put your finger on it and some judge caught it. The light bulb came on. That's why you entered this contest, right? Start with the baby food. Let it process. Absorb the good. The bad will take a natural course!

3. Put the burrs in your saddle into a separate folder to process or to investigate.
It's possible that the judge did make a mistake. Maybe only one of the three focused on something that blew your entry out of the running. One bad score can ruin your chances. Maybe that judge didn't get it. Maybe your entry is a gem. Good writing has often been criticized and rejected by editors, too. Or maybe you do have many problems. Educate yourself on what the judge or judges pointed out to you. Time to go to school.

Here, make yourself feel better by seeing other writers who had bad days:
1. Carrie by Stephen King – 30 rejections
2. Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell – 38 rejections
3. M*A*S*H by Richard Hooker – 21 rejections
4. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig – 121 rejections
5. Lorna Doone by Richard Doddridge Blackmore – 18 rejections
6. Dubliners by James Joyce – 22 rejections
7. The Peter Principle by Laurence Peter – 16 rejections
8. Chicken Soup for the Soul by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen – 33 rejections
9. Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach – 18 rejections
10. Auntie Mame by Patrick Dennis – 15 rejections

4. Write a thank you note to your judges, even it's short and sweet, and you just thank them for their time. Let them know you will seriously consider their comments.
(Hey, this may be your best fiction writing.) But do try to mean it. Humble yourself and love the person for being a fellow Christian and for sacrificing to help you on you on your writing journey. For whatever reason, this is where you are at this time. It might be easy to be discouraged and no one blames you for feeling as if someone punched you in the guts. But don't hate the judges' guts and do give each one the benefit of the doubt. That person could end up seeing your manuscript again--only this time it could be while working for a publisher or an agent. How you react and process your scores/comments could affect how they react when seeing it again. Or consider this: if that person has the ear of the editor or an agent and your name comes up--will it be positive?

5. Do not think you cannot write, do not give up. Never give up. Don't let this be where you quit.
"Chesty" Puller, the most decorated U.S. Marine in history, and the only Marine to receive five Navy Crosses said this:
"All right, they're on our left, they're on our right, they're in front of us, they're behind us...they can't get away this time."



Have that kind of attitude. I had a writer friend who asked me to pray about her writing. She was going to quit. Discouraged. Really, she had already decided to quit. She just wanted some confirmation, so she could walk away guilt free. I said I would pray. And I did. I prayed God would send her a little encouragement to continue because she is a good writer. She didn't even realize it. But I knew. God knew. (She's getting published this year. Lots will know now.)

We can pray that you receive encouragement soon. You might need it. God hasn't deserted you. Your dream is not dead because of one contest.

Remember this in the big scheme of things: "You whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth. Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." ~ Isaiah 46:3-4

That's a promise for your life as a Christian. God knows what your desires are and He knows His will and timing for you. There are people here in this chapter and this zone and this ACFW organization who can help you to keep going, keep the education going. We believe in you.

Write on. They can't get away now.

Crystal Laine Miller

Don't Waste Your Failure

Recently a friend introduced me to “Don’t Waste Your Cancer,” written by John Piper on the eve of his prostate surgery. Many, but not all of us have battled cancer. None of us have escaped failure.

The trick is not to waste the failure, but gain by it.

1. I will waste my failure if I hide it.

“If we walk in the Light, as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of His Son Jesus cleanses us from all sin”

(1 John 1:7).

2. I will waste my failure if deny it.

“If we say we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us” (1 John 1:8).

3. I will waste my failure if I attack those who disagree with me.

“Do not speak against one another, brethren. He who speaks against a brother or judges a brother, speaks against the law and judges the law; but if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge of it” (James 4:11).

4. I will waste my failure if I refuse to discover its root.

“Test me, LORD, and try me, examine my heart and my mind” (Psalm 26:2).

5. I will waste my failure if I vow to try harder rather than believe God.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6).

6. I will waste my failure if I wallow in self-pity.

“Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior” (Habakkuk 3:17-18).

7. I will waste my failure if I allow it to define me.

“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” (1 John 3:1).

8. I will waste my failure if I quit.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9).

9. I will waste my failure if I do not seek wise counsel.

“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed”

(Proverbs 15:22).

10. I will waste my failure if I do not allow it to drive me to Jesus.

“If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love” (John 15:10).

11. I will waste my failure if I refuse to glorify Christ through it.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me” (2 Corinthians 12:9).