Thursday, March 7, 2013

“Physics & Your Fiction,” Guest blogger Albert Einstein

             First, let me thank Rick Barry for this chance to be a guest blogger. It is a great honor. I only hope he vill not edit my author’s voice out of this submission.
Second, some of you may vonder, “Vhat does this kook know about fiction? He is a physicist, not a writer.” Vell, let me assure you, physicists already live in their own little world. Ve know plenty about alternate reality!”
Now, back to the point: Vhat does physics have to do with you fiction writers? Plenty. Allow me to introduce Newton’s First Law of Motion in laymen’s terms: “An object at rest tends to stay at rest, vhile an object in motion tends to stay in motion vith the same direction and speed.”
“So vhat,” you ask?
Vell, here’s vhat, Mister Smarty Pants: If you relax too much, your novel is in danger. Let me rephrase: An author at rest, tends to stay at rest. For instance, if you love to lie on your couch with a clicker, your idea for a novel might go kaputt. Writing is hard vork. You must develop discipline. Rise early, if you must. Get out of bed. (It’s mind over mattress, Charlie.) Limit your minutes with the television. Vhatever it is that tends to put your body at rest, get control of that thing, or you are doomed. 
However, there is a positive side of physics in fiction writing. An author in motion tends to stay in motion. In other vords, vonce you develop a daily rhythm, a time in vhich you record all that gobbledygook you dream up inside your skull, you have a vonderful bit of synergy going for you. Keep it up, baby! Momentum is a vonderful thing. Vhen you go to bed knowing exactly vhat should happen in the next chapter--vowie! You vill be eager to rush back to that keyboard. No more writer’s blockhead for you. Your subconscious noggin vill keep vorking on plot ideas vhen you sleep, vhen you drive, etc. But, if you relax too much, if you start skipping your keyboard time day after day… Pffffft! Your momentum evaporates. It is gone vith the vind. (Sounds like a fiction title, ja?)
             Facebook? Facebook is not writing. It is dessert. Check your FB only after you have written, and you vill maintain momentum. E-mail? Same idea. Answering email first soaks up time and creativity. Keep up creative momentum first, then check email as a reward after x number of vords added to the story. You vill thank me, believe me.
A similar principle of motion applies after you make a sale. Vonce an editor buys your vork, keep that ball rolling. No matter vhether you sell an article, or a short story or a whole big shebang novel, do not let that editor forget you! Craft another vork of art, and submit it! Othervise, you end up trying to get your cold foot in the door like a begger over and over.
So I stress: Apply physics to your fiction unless you vant to bomb. 
(Trust me, I know a thing or two about bombs. You do not vant to do that!) 
Auf Wiedersehen!

When he isn't impersonating famous physicists, Rick Barry is the author of over 200 published short stories and articles, plus two novels. Visit his personal blog at


  1. This proves my theory: time travel IS possible. Thanks Albert for your post and also contributing to my theory of Christian Science Fiction. I guess it's possible Rick actually has the time machine, however.

    1. Darren, remind me to tell you the story of how I conked my head and had a vision for an invention I call the flux capacitor. ;)

      Thanks for commenting!

  2. I'm taking a physics class right now in my studies for my degree and this tickled my funny bone! Excellent, er, I mean, E=mc^2!

    1. Karla, glad you enjoyed it. Al wasn't sure our members would go for these way-out theories of his, but I told him to give it a shot. Figured our friends could get a bang (or a boom) out of it. ;)

  3. Rick,

    How much energy does it take to type and maintain tongue firmly in cheek?

    Any other tutors on writing coming up? Hopefully not Ghengis Kahn or Hitler.

    Have a blessed day.


  4. Jeff, I pondered how to answer your question. In the end, I developed a theory that it's all relative.

    I have no other guest bloggers lined up for the near future. We'll see, though.