Flavoring—The Difference Word Choice Can Make

Flowery prose fell out of favor long ago; it's way too sweet. And what are commonly called ten-dollar words are often inadvisable; they're way too heavy. Attempting to capture the attention of readers today with either ploy is more likely to yank them from a story before it’s hardly begun.

Ensuring word choices have enough flavor, however, makes sense. And one more round of self-editing to add more flavor to words or phrases more bland than they need to be can do the trick. 

Does Anise give her seat to an elderly woman on the bus? Maybe she can relinquish the space instead, if she'd been inclined to hold on to it at first.

Does Dunkin’s date walk across a room when she spots him waiting for her? Perhaps she glides or sashays—depending on her grace or attitude, of course.

Do the children in the church choir know the words of their song? Maybe they’ve memorized the lyrics.

Did the boss tell everyone at the office he was retiring? Or did he announce his intention?

Those alternative words and phrases still might not be the best choices, but you get the point.

Here’s an exercise for you: Open the book you’re currently reading and peruse the first few paragraphs. Do any words or phrases seem too bland or downright flat to you than necessary? If so, what words or phrases would you substitute?

This idea is not meant to criticize any author, and often the more straightforward and simple word choice is best. But sometimes a little more flavoring in the words chosen can push a book’s interest factor up a notch, right from the beginning.

Now, what word or phrase substitutions would you suggest for what I just wrote? Go ahead. Tell us. I won’t be offended!

Jean Kavich Bloom is a freelance editor and writer for Christian publishers and ministries 

(Bloom in Words Editorial Services), with thirty years of experience in the book publishing world. Her personal blog is Bloom in Words too, where she sometimes posts articles about the writing life. She is also a regular contributor to The Glorious Table, a blog for women of all ages. Her published books are Bible Promises for God's Precious Princess and Bible Promises for God's Treasured Boy. She and her husband, Cal, have three children (plus two who married in) and five grandchildren, with foster grandchildren in their lives on a regular basis.

photo credit: www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=126442&picture=cooking-spices

Two Tools for Word Accuracy

Recently I was checking for word repetition in a manuscript. This seemed to be a straightforward process. Type a word in “Find” and insert a replacement word using, of course, a thesaurus.

A thesaurus is a wonderful tool to keep writing fresh, but take care for not all synonyms are equal. Besides a thesaurus, it’s helpful to have a dictionary to verify meanings. For instance, take the word smile. Smile can be replaced by grin, smirk, simper, or beam. But they don’t all convey the same thing.

Smile means “to put on a happy expression.” Grin is “to smile broadly showing the teeth.” To beam “adds radiance to a smile”. Those seem fairly interchangeable, but simper refers to a smile that is silly or to an affected smile that is false. A smirk is also a silly smile but it's undertones are mocking with the intent to belittle or insult, to ridicule, scorn or slight, and turn up one’s nose.

A rose by any other name may smell as sweet, but Romeo would’ve had a challenge wooing Juliette if the smile she gave him was a smirk.

Cry is another word with many synonyms. Squall which means “to cry noisily and continuously” can replace cry, however my heroine wouldn’t squall over her dead husband since dictionary.com says only babies or small children squall. She might weep, for that is “the expression of grief, sorrow, or any overpowering emotion by shedding tears.” She could bawl which also refers to unrestrained emotion, but could be linked to a tantrum rather than grief since its original meaning is “to shout or call out noisily.”

Dictionary.com defines other synonyms used to describe cry:

Sob - to cry noisily, making loud, convulsive gasps or to speak while crying.
Snivel - a slight sniff indicating suppressed emotion; tearful complaining.
Wail - a prolonged high-pitched cry of pain, grief, or anger… a lament.
Whimper - a series of low, feeble sounds expressive of fear, pain, or discontent.

My heroine could even pule. The American Century Dictionary defines pule as “to cry weakly.” Roget’s also says “to cry with soft, intermittent, often plaintive sounds.” However, dictionary.com defines it as “to complain.” Since people use internet increasingly to find out such things, the intended meaning could be skewed.

Our language is complex, beautiful and evolving. Using both a thesaurus and a current dictionary will help to express a story precisely and accurately.