1. Never rewrite a first draft. You’re a genius. Rewrites are for amateurs.
2. 2. Don’t worry about grammar and spelling. That’s what editors are for.
3. 3. Don’t bother mastering plot and character arc. Who cares about those pesky little things as long as your heroes blow up a lot of stuff and the main characters fall in love?
4. 4. Write only what’s trendy and hot.
5. 5. Post all your emotional baggage and lose your temper on Facebook. You’re most certain to get read that way. And you’ll be remembered.
6. 6. Be a diva. Act eccentric and neurotic—especially when pitching a story to an agent.
7. 7. Slam other writers and agents in your blog. And if you get a bad review, lay into the reviewer on their blog in the comments section.
8. 8. Ignore your editor. If they were really smart they’d be writers. (Those who can, write; those who can’t, edit. We all know that.)
9. Use lots and lots of adverbs continuously, incessantly, and passionately.
10. Write only when you’re in the mood and the “muse” inspires you.
Do these ten things and you’re sure to destroy your writing career.
I guarantee it.